Sleeping with the enemy

I have many nice, beautiful dresses. I don't really like to be dressed in dress when I have young, that true! But as I grow up, I started a liking for them. However, I know i can never wear them when I am with you. And I will not.

That CNY evening, when you broke our friend's wine crystal glass, not because you were careless, but you were too mindful of my posture, if I have accidentally exposed my cleavage. I wonder if you ever trusted me.

You are mindful of many things. More concern of what strangers think of me than my feelings and thoughts. My likes and dislikes. I don't feel happy being with you anymore, instead I feel threatened. I'm threaten that you will rob away my confident. My feminism, beauty, happiness, carefree & joy.

For your sake, I have been trying to dress not my kind of dressing. At times, when i dress down, you don't bother to even look at me, but you lust at others. Such double standard person. You have made me so inferior. I started to wonder if I'm ugly. I know I'm not. I am not gorgeously beautiful, but I know I'm presentable. Why do you even want to destroy me confident?

I was such carefree person until I met you. You have input fears in my life. I miss my happiness and joy of being able to dress what I feel like being dressed for the day and to able to walk where I pleases. To pick up things when they dropped. To help others when they needed an helping hand. To able to walk around without being trapped by pairs of surveillance eyes.

I'm not your criminal! And you are not my bodyguard!

How long do you want me to go through this hell with you? Others are not allow to look at me and I cannot dress what I desire. Don't make me starting to regret marrying you.

I told you to watch "Sleeping with the enemy". Have you?

Don't make me leave you.

Striving for your time & attention

Heart broken into many pieces... U ask me why i don't make use of the remaining time, midnight.

Yes! I am unhappy. I'm still fuming over your empty promise to spending time with me. All I ask is to walk in the park. Is that so difficult?! I know you are tired, but you have already slept for more than our agreed time. You promised that you would wake up, and bring me to this and that places.

All empty words.

This is not the 1st time. I shouldn't have such high expectation.

I'm sullen and I just can't seem to talk to you now. I'm too angry, too broken to talk now. I have changed my job, just to have more time be with you! You know that I love my design job. You know it is not easy for me to change into such a contrast industry. I bit the bullet. I should have gone to work today, if not for you. I did the house work, so that you don't have to do any. So that you would not have excuses which delay your sleep. The ultimate purpose is for you to have energy to spend time with me later.

Why do I feel like as if I'm always have to strive to have your attention?

If by marrying you, you think that you have all the time to be with me, yet you didn't spend time to be with me. Spending quality time is important to me. Not when you are about to sleep. Not when you are watching TV. Not when you are working while talking to me over the phone.

You ask me why am I not treasuring the time now, that you're awake in the middle of the night.

My heart hurt. I can't bring myself to spend time with you now.

I need to sleep.